I can't necessarily say I'm better, but I'm hopeful. I have a strong feeling that soon everything will be alright. I'm able to cope much better then I thought I would with certain losses and even though I am still sad to have those aspects of my life temporarily gone I'm happy. I know in end it will be a small price to pay for the happiness that will come out of it.

I have grown dependent on those aspects and thus grew terrified of losing them, even for a brief time. Of course I can blame the way I grew up, but I won't. Its useless and I know my parents did what they thought was best for me and worked hard to give me everything they could. I was never a spoiled brat, I would get my ass handed to me if I was, but I was spoiled.

Anyway, If a certain someone is reading is reading this, you know who you are, just know I'm here for you whenever you need. I'll give you your space. I won't make any attempt to contact you until two weeks have past since we last spoke. So December 7th. If I don't hear from you by then I will attempt direct contact, to at least make sure you're ok, but before then, I'll leave you be. I understand the importance of wanting to be left alone in difficult times and I am so sorry I clung so desperately to you. I've grown dependent on you. You were there when no one else was, though that is no excuse. I was selfish and inconsiderate. I beg for your forgiveness. Just remember, throughout all this I love you so much, you are far more then an older brother to me.

And to everyone else, Sorry for the super emo bullshit. I'm getting better and the journals will soon be about happy times, such as Star Wars and Kittens. Omg... Lightsaber wielding kittens... awesome. X3